


Miss Mantis

by scrawly_times



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Gorgon AU, Multi, Mythology - Freeform, Queerplatonic Relationships, Texting, background mullettens, first chap is all texts second chap will be finished soon and is normal fic, liza and alex are qps, the schuys all appear too but only appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-02 22:39:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12735729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrawly_times/pseuds/scrawly_times
Summary: adothammy: 1) I can’t believe I’ve been replaced by a fucking bugadothammy: 2) WHY THE EVERLOVING FUCKhorsesandcorsets: i dunno man he says shes cutehorsesandcorsets: i kinda think she’s cooladothammy: Hercules I can’t dogsit for you with this massive fucking bug on the front porch





	1. texts

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS MY MYTHOLOGY AU and Thomas is a gorgon, snake guy, and James is a satyr. Doesn't really tie in just yet but some context would be needed.
> 
> Takes place somewhere in the future of Venomous

_ adothammy: _ GUYS HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ ?

_ adothammy:  _ YOU GUYS 

_ adothammy:  _ THERE’S A GIANT ASS BUG ON YOUR PORCH

_ adothammy sent BIGFUCKER.png _

_ horsesandcorsets: _ oh!!! thats just Miss Mantis

_ adothammy:  _ “just”

_ horsesandcorsets: _ dont kill her johnll cry

_ horsesandcorsets: _ he loves her man

_ adothammy:  _ 1) I can’t believe I’ve been replaced by a fucking bug

_ adothammy:  _ 2) WHY THE EVERLOVING FUCK

_ horsesandcorsets: _ i dunno man he says shes cute

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ i kinda think she’s cool

_ adothammy: _ Hercules I can’t dogsit for you with this massive fucking bug on the front porch

_ horsesandcorsets: _ what??? ? ?

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ dude shes just a bug i havent even seen her MOVE before

_ adothammy:  _ Herc. This bug. Is staring me in the soul.

_ freckles: _ guys

_ freckles: _ first) you cant squish Miss Mantis. literally can’t. she is. immortal. 

_ adothammy: _ really not endearing me here john

_ freckles: _ second) yall gotta sotp blowing my phone up wt work 

_ adothammy:  _ yall

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ yall

_ freckles:  _ third) shUT U P

_ freckles: _ fourth) you cant leave horse like that

_ adothammy:  _ still can’t believe you guys named your fucking dog Horse

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ it fits him though

_ adothammy: _ it does tbh

_ freckles:  _ alex u cant leave horse like this he has to pee

_ adothammy: _ gET SOMEONe WHO DOESN’T MIND THE GIANT ASS BUG

_ freckles:  _ SHES NOT EVEN EVTHAGT BIG

_ adothammy: _ BULLSHIT

_ freckles:  _ shes only like a couple inches man. some praying mantis can get like, longer than ur hand

_ adothammy: _ welp time to go home and never leave the sanctity of a bugless environment ever again, ever

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ dude its not even that abd

_ freckles:  _ tAKE HORSE WITH YOU IF YOY’RE GOING TO BE A PISSBAAYB

_ adothammy:  _ nO

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ alexander

_ adothammy:  _ shit full named

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ have you even opened the damn doro yet

_ adothammy:  _ NO

_ adothammy: _ she’s RIGHT UNDER THE PORCH LIGHT OKAY I DON’T WANT TO GO NEAR THE DOOR

_ freckles:  _ alex y r u being such a fucking wimp

_ freckles: _ shes not even dangerous the only thign she can eben do is pinch ur fingertips if u scare her

_ adothammy:  _ you say this but Google says they can fly and there is so muc nope ther eyo dont understnad jonhn

_ horsesandcorsets: _ alexander hamilton if you don’t take my fucking baby out to go to the goddamn bathroom, hes going to end up peeing on the floor and being super guilty and sad when john gets home and then john will send you al the sad pictures of Horse hiding under the ebd because he was a bad boy over womhthing he coudlnt ehlp

_ adothammy:  _ ...shit

_ freckles:  _ when he does a Naughty i have to like convince him im not mad alex

_ freckles:  _ do you rly wanna do that to por Horse

_ adothammy: _ fuuuuuck no dont do this to me guys

_ horsesandcorsets: _ get someone else ot do it if you hae to but my son needs to go to the godaamn bathroom and he cant use a toilet so you better be quick

_ adothammy:  _ fuuuuck ugh

* * *

 

_ adothammy:  _ aaron help

_ A.burr: _ No

_ adothammy:  _ you don’t even know what i was going to ask :(

_ A.burr:  _ Fine, ask

_ adothammy:  _ i need you to come help me get Herc’s dog out of their apartment

_ A.burr: _ And you need my help with that because..?

_ adothammy:  _ there’s a super big fucking bug on their porch

_ A.burr:  _ ...this is probably the dumbest thing you’ve asked my help for

_ adothammy:  _ it’s SUPER FUCKING BIG, BURR

_ adothammy sent file BIGFUCKER.png _

_ A.burr: _ what the FUCK

_ adothammy:  _ I KNOW

_ adothammy:  _ HELP

_ A.burr:  _ No.

_ adothammy:  _ fuck

* * *

 

_ adothammy: _ heyyyyyy my gayyyyyys 

_ eliza.bethean:  _ alex honey ily but what do u want

_ eliza.bethean: _ you only do the Thing when u want something

_ adothammy:  _ there’s a really really big bug

_ eliza.bethean:  _ uhhhhhh

_ eliza.bethean: _ alex ur my qpp andi d do alot of things fo ru but uhhhh no

_ margaritaville:  _ i’m in school rn so also no

_ angelicbitch: _ alexander im not even in the damn country

_ angelicbitch:  _ squish it

_ adothammy: _ i can’t john will cry

_ angelicbitch:  _ oh shit you’re talking baout Miss Mantis

_ angelicbitch: _ yeah fuck no not even if i WAS there

_ adothammy:  _ how come YOU know about Miss Mantis

_ angelicbitch:  _ Laf sent me a pic of her with another mantis and a lot o feye emojis 

_ angelicbitch:  _ apparently they find her iwth a new male like every other week

_ adothammy: _ lmao guess she runs em off

_ eliza.bethean:  _ alex you do know what female mantis do during mating right

_ adothammy:  _ well i mean i can assume

_ adothammy:  _ i don't exactly know the details of mantis sex

_ margaritaville:  _ oh my g o d

_ margaritaville:  _ “Awkward Gaps In Alex’s Knowledge” time

_ angelicbitch: _ ,,,

_ eliza.bethean: _ ,,, hold on let me find you an article

_ adothammy: _ ilu but why would i want to hear about bug sex

* * *

 

_ adothammy:  _ I CHANGED MY MIND DO NOT LOVE U BREAKING UPD U MPED

_ eliza.bethean:  _ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

* * *

 

_ adothammy:  _ thomas help

_ adothammy:  _ bug

_ adothammy:  _ big bug

_ southernscales: _ ?

_ southernscales:  _ oh ew

_ southernscales:  _ what kinda bug and, awkward question, am i allowed to eat it

_ adothammy:  _ 1: a mantis 2: no john likes it 3: what the fuck 4: i didn’t know gorgons ate bugs what the fUCK

_ southernscales:  _ why does john like this mantis

_ southernscales:  _ also most gorgons tend to try to be all “down to their roots” and “naturalist” and shit and 

_ southernscales:  _ frankly /i/ don’t eat them but the mini-mes do and some bugs are tasty

_ adothammy:  _ does this mean dried crickets would be a good way to get in your good side

_ southernscales: _ ...yes

_ adothammy: _ fuck yeah time for a vsit to the petstore

_ southernscales:  _ but can we get back on the topic of the big bug you want me to get rid of without killing or eating 

_ adothammy:  _ okay so you know how herc and laf are off in france

_ southernscales:  _ yeah

_ adothammy: _ well john’s at work rn and i’m supposed to go let Horse out to go to the bathroom but. there’s. This big ass bug John and Herc informed me is named Miss Mantis. Sitting on their porch. And i’m kind of afraid to pass her.

_ southernscales:  _ uhhhhh

_ southernscales:  _ please tell me herc and laf don’t have an actual horse in their apartment

_ adothammy:  _ omg what?? No???

_ adothammy:  _ oh shit you haven’t met Horse yet

_ adothammy:  _ he’s Herc’s fancy borzoi

_ adothammy:  _ google them

_ southernscales: ... _ holy shit!!!!!!!!!

_ adothammy:  _ ikr!!

_ southernscales:  _ omg now i WISH i could meet Horse

_ southernscales:  _ why is he named Horse

_ adothammy:  _ i mean

_ adothammy:  _ look at them

_ southernscales:  _ fair

_ southernscales:  _ alex i would gladly go with you to rescue you from the scary bug and meet this gorgeous dog but

_ southernscales:  _ i thin there’s a big problem you’ve forgotten

_ adothammy:  _ ???

_ southernscales:  _ why do you think i havent met horse before

_ adothammy:  _ because you can’t get… into herc/laf/john’s apt……. Fuck

_ adothammy:  _ goddamnit

_ southernscales:  _ yeah

_ southernscales:  _ i mean, if they have like, an industrial elevator, maybe if i can squeeze inside but otherwise

_ southernscales:  _ sorry sugar

_ adothammy:  _ fucking staIRS

_ adothammy:  _ how do you deal with this stuf normally

_ southernscales:  _ i sicked angelica on the school board when they put me in classes i literally couldn’t get to

_ adothammy:  _ effective

_ southernscales:  _ also by normally sending james to fetch stuff for me

_ southernscales:  _ ,,,actually, hold on

* * *

 

_ southernscales:  _ james do you want to 1: rescue hamilton 2: meet a big ass bug and 3: meet a gorgeous dog 

_ fuzzbutt:  _ 1: meh  2: fuck yes 3: f u c k y e s 4: why and when did you change my contact name

_ southernscales:  _ 8F

_ fuzzbutt:  _ gdi

_ fuzzbutt:  _ let me go get the van and pick u up

_ southernscales:  _ thank you!!! 8}

_ fuzzbutt:  _ sotp using your stupid cute snake emojis gdi

_ southernscales:  _ >=F no


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No texting!!! Actual fic!!! Prepare yourself for Much Cute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually did not intend to do this portion but it called to me the moment I came up with Horse
> 
> I also didn't intend to do the followup texts but hey lmao

Alex was waiting downstairs when James pulled up in his van.

“Hey!” Alex waved at him and ran around to the back real quick to see Thomas laying curled up in the back. 

“Hey hun~” Thomas grinned, snakes raising up and hissing gently in Alex’s direction.

“Hey!” He beamed and leaned in close, giving Thomas a peck on the lips real quick. “So once James does - whatever he’s gonna do, I dunno - I’ll run inside real quick and take Horse out to go for a walk around the block. After he’s gone to the bathroom I’ll bring him to meet you.” Alex giggled lightly when various small snakes brushed against his face, tongues flicking out tasting his scent and making small puffs of air as they breathed. A few even booped his cheeks sneakily. “Dork.”

“I’m not the one gigglin’ like an idiot over a  _ completely  _ normal gorgon display of affection.” Thomas snickered. “And James is a  _ satyr, _ so he’s like, connected to nature and all that. Or somethin.”

“Or something,” James said, hooves clacking lightly on the pavement when he finally got out of the front seat. “I’m not particularly talented or anything but it’s a big thing in satyr culture to ‘respect and cherish all parts of nature’ so it’s rubbed off a lot.” He shrugged into his hoodie and scarf. It wasn’t that cold outside but he was still bundled up because he’d had to get his wool cut lately due to mold. Again.

“Take pictures of the bug!” Thomas yelled at the two as they started to go up the stairwell. Alex waved him off, busy trying to jog up the stairs to keep up with James. His sheep legs cleared the stairs a lot better than Alex’s stiff, lanky human ones.

James spotted her right away.

“Aw, she's not even that big,” James said, walking right up to the wall without any fear and a strange _ coo  _ in his voice like he was talking about a puppy. Alex was vaguely horrified. He was then _ directly _ horrified when the satyr casually and calmly scooped the big praying mantis up onto one hand, whistling gently and nudging her until she moved willingly onto his fingers. The whistling rose the hairs on the back of Alex’s neck in a way that screamed _ supernatural. _ “Might as well go take her on a visit to Thomas.” James was oddly cheery. In a depressed, exhausted James Madison™ kind of barely visible way. 

Alex pulled the apartment key out of his pocket and shuddered as James went back down the stairs, praying mantis in hand. He didn't understand how James could act like a big, gross bug was a cute kitten. James meanwhile couldn't understand why Alex was so afraid and disgusted of a harmless little mantis.

Horse was a big dog. Borzoi generally were, but Horse surpassed most limits of his breed and was very thick and stocky - for a borzoi, who were very thin and lean dogs. Horse certainly had the general size of a borzoi but he was incredibly thick and muscular underneath the massive fluff that Herc maintained for him. 

Of course, this didn't really impact Alex at all. If Horse were a little less trained or well behaved it might be a problem but even Alex’s tiny self never had a problem walking him. Horse would pant excitedly and maybe wiggle too much to get his harness on easily but once it WAS on he was practically a poster dog for good leash behavior. The worst Horse ever did was strain just enough to take up the slack when he wanted to hurry. 

This was fortunate for Alex because less well behaved dogs would drag him mercilessly down the stairs. Horse merely trotted at his side to avoid tripping him up. 

After a quick run around the block where Horse did his business (and Alex refused to pick it up, even if he knew it was Rules and there were doggy pickup bag dispensers everywhere, it was GROSS) he led the cheerful borzoi up to the van and grabbed him by the harness. It was pretty pointless, really, but Herc and John had a Procedure for introducing Horse to new people and they'd throw a fit if Alex broke it.

James, downstairs and without Miss Mantis, lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw Horse. 

“Oh he's just gorgeous,” James breathed, bending down to sit on his heels at Horse's height. 

“Okay so, Meet the Dog Procedure, ala Herc and Laf.” Alex instructed. “Let him come to you and don't make any sudden movements yada yada and I've realised if satyr are all about animals you probably already know this.”

James chuckled, hand outstretched while Horse sniffed him curiously. The poor dog seemed kind of confused at meeting a person with the lower half of a sheep.

“Yeah, I've dealt with plenty of skittish dogs before. He's pretty even tempered though.” He said. Horse had decided to take a few interested steps towards him within petting reach. 

“Very,” Alex agreed as James slowly began petting Horse until he figured out if the dog was okay with it or not. Then he began ruffling fur in earnest. 

“Alright, you ready to try Thomas?” James looked up just in time to get his face licked excitedly. He made several weird sputtering noises (Alex was going to pin those on the ‘sheep’ part) while Alex grabbed Horse's harness again. 

They didn't really know how Horse would react to Thomas. According to him and James, most animals tended to _ know _ when they were face to face with a mythological apex predator like gorgons. Dogs were weird (domestication did weird things to animals, like making pigs pink and making some dogs unable to breed without medical intervention) and borzoi weren't very common a breed. Not uncommon, really, but certainly not a popular or instantly recognizable one to anyone outside of a dog enthusiast. 

James opened the back door to the van and Thomas shifted around so his human part was facing them and leaning out over his coils. It was such a big hassle to get in and out that he wasn't planning on doing so until necessary. 

Horse's head visibly tilted in confusion. Alex, already armed and ready with his camera, caught the adorableness on video. 

The borzoi’s nose twitched frantically as he sniffed so much it sounded like he was sneezing. Horse whined a bit and looked at Alex uncertainly. He trusted the tiny messy human almost as much as he trusted his three owners.

“It's alright buddy, Thomas isn't gonna hurt you.” Alex assured him carefully, checking his tone of voice. James walked over to Thomas and bent down to Horse's level, clicking his tongue encouragingly. 

It took Horse a few, very confused, very adorable minutes to skitter close enough to sniff Thomas's hand. The gorgon had taken off his gloves and his trimmed claws were a little intimidating to anyone not used to them. Horse cautiously licked his hand and Thomas's face, though partially hidden by big sunglasses, lit up in sheer glee. Alex stifled a laugh. 

Thomas was visibly restraining himself but the snakes on his head were well known for being less well controlled. They hissed excitedly and bobbed around, startling Horse at first, but after a few minutes of assurances and encouragement the borzoi surprised all of them by hopping his lanky body into the van in the tangle of scales. 

Thomas hissed in surprise and then burst into peals of laughter when Horse proceeded to lick his face, his snakes, his neck, and everything he could reach. Horse let out high pitched happy whines and wiggled a lot and Alex was _ so _ glad he was still recording this because it might just be the cutest damn thing he'd seen in years. 

* * *

 

_ adothammy sent a video _

_ horsesandcorsets: _ OOH MY GOD

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ OH MGY FODS A;GBORLGNFS

_ adothammy: _ IKR

_ freckles:  _ HOLY SHIT

_ freckles:  _ THIS IS THE CUTIEST THING IVE SENE IN YEARS

_ adothammy:  _ I K R THAT'S WHAT I SAID

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ HIIOFLDD ON MIM GETING ALF

_ adothammy:  _ Herc you may not get Horse back

_ adothammy:  _ I have never seen Thomas this genuinely excited

_ adothammy:  _ he’s squealing

_ freckles:  _ is that what that tire airing out sound is

_ adothammy:  _ yes and it’s adorbale

_ ouiouiunLabagayette:  _ MERDE

_ ouiouiunLabagayette: _ Herc just came up to me yelling “HORSE LIKES SNAKES” and shoved his phone in my face 

_ ouiouiunLabagayette: _ and i was not disappointed

_ freckles:  _ this reminds me of that one video of that dog justl ickign asnake’s head calmly

_ adothammy:  _ wait what holy shit i need to see that

_ freckles:  _ might take me w ahwile to find it i’l let u kno wheni do

_ ouiouiunLabagayette:  _ so who’s going to tell Herc that Thomas’s snakes are highly venomous

_ adothammy:  _ nobody, because it’s irrelevant

_ adothammy:  _ thomas is very carefully keeping all fangs to himself

_ freckles:  _ i see that

_ freckles:  _ his sunglasses r gone tho

_ adothammy:  _ and thus he is keeping his eyes closed

_ adothammy:  _ he does have upwards of a dozen pairs of eyes to look through, it is not absolutely necessary that he use the ones that can turn people into stone

_ freckles:  _ fair

_ freckles:  _ just wanted to chekc that yal la ren’t goin goto acciendtalyly kill herc’s bayby

_ ouiouiunLabagayette:  _ Thomas would never be so careless

_ ouiouiunLabagayette:  _ Alexander, possibly but

_ adothammy:  _ wait what

_ ouiouiunLabagayette:  _ Thomas is very careful

_ adothammy:  _ are you insinuating i am not

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ alex you have accidentally stabbed yourself wiht esewign needles n my workshpi 

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ on multiple occasions

_ ouiouiunLabagayette:  _ la mao remember the time he had to go to the ER because one got stuck in his ass

_ adothammy:  _ excuse me saying it like that sounds obscene it was stuck in my buttcheek

_ freckles:  _ “la mao”

_ ouiouiunLabagayette: _ SAO is trash and should burn but SAO Abridged is a national treasure

_ freckles:  _ fair

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ tru

_ adothammy:  _ herc it is not my fault you left a pincushion out wher eanyone could sit on it

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ it was on my desk

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ only a heathen like yo u sits on desks

_ ouiouiunLabagayette:  _ SO THE POINT IS I trust Thomas to be careful enough to avoid accidents outside of situations beyond his control

_ ouiouiunLabagayette:  _ Alexander is another matter

_ adothammy sent a video _

_ adothammy:  _ more evidence

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

_ freckles:  _ goddamnit guys yall got me in trouble with my bos s gotoa go 

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ YALL

_ adothammy:  _ yall

_ ouiouiunLabagayette: _ y’all

_ freckles:  _ fuck yall

_ adothammy:  _ ;) that a promise?

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ ew sorry john no foursomes with alex

_ adothammy: ... _ fair

_ouiouiunLabagayette:_ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ Laf no

_ ouiouiunLabagayette:  _ Lafayette OUI

_ adothammy:  _ appreciate the use of Lenny 

_ horsesandcorsets:  _ alex aled sart a sksype cal  i wan a talk to my boy

_ adothammy:  _ sure thing o7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED i certainly did :D
> 
> (hey guys even if u don't like Sword Art Online you should check out SAO Abridged on youtube because it is legit the best thing i have ever watched and i've been assured by several sources that it's a million times better than the actual anime (which i've,, never watched) and i've watched SAO Abridged so many times i can quote it pretty much word for word so.... it's good and Top Tier level humor okay)
> 
> I'm trying to work on the next chapter of Venomous but it's been difficult >:V Plus I've been working on other fics and everybody's been screaming over DNA so,,, If I end up making more little shorts in the Venomous verse then I'll start up a series for all them to organize everything 
> 
> by the way if you're keeping up with Venomous this is a lil side note: be prepared. angst is coming. a lot. of drama.

**Author's Note:**

> -i have a thing with numbering ideas in my texts and it's transferred over to characters lmao  
> -this is based partially off of the lovely Miss Mantis that stalked my old apartment building. she did, actually, show up with several males every other week and was a good two-three inches long. not exceedingly long by mantis standards, but certainly enough to freak bug haters out. i am not a bug hater. i love bugs. this has been incredibly difficult to write.


End file.
